The Wiggles are a group of stupid wiggly people that wiggle around so much until their heads pop off. Also one of the worst gay men bands, they were also popular with young children and babies, probably only to encourage young kids to fall in love with men. During their popularity from the early 1990's-2019, they gave millions of young children nightmares, and made children attracted to men. The Wiggles were also gay young men who harassed little 4 year old boys and caused child abuse in suburban neighborhoods. By the end of their popularity, the yellow wiggle got cancer from drugs and eventually retired due to a health issue. The names of the members were Greg Page, Murray Cook, Anthony Field, and Jeff Fatt. A female wiggle named Emma Watkins was added to the group in 2013, but she was not as good as the other wiggles. It is believed that another wiggle was retired as well.
The Wiggles are stupid wiggly people that wiggle around so much. They are played by four hyperactive young men named Greg Page (Yellow), Murray Cook (Red), Anthony Field (Blue), and Jeff Fatt (Purple). The Wiggles were mainly popular with young children and babies between ages 0-5, and many parents thought that The Wiggles were hypnotizing little kids to become attracted to men.
Secret Origin of The Wiggles (1960's-1984)EditMain article(s): The Wiggles (drug), The Wiggles (children's vitamin)
The Wiggles' history goes back as early as the 1960's. The Wiggles were originally the name of a drug prescription for "cocaine disease". It was once used by the popular British rock and roll band The Beatles. The Beatles used The Wiggles medicine to help Paul McCartney sing better. When John Lennon took his Wiggles prescription every night, he once hit a foul note when he was at a concert in 1971. By the early 1970's, The Wiggles drugs were banned and many doctors wanted a vitamin for children, so "The Wiggles" was later renamed for a children's vitamin. The new medication became so popular that a children's artist was named after the drug. In 1982, a group of 4 young men writing annoying songs wanted to choose a name for their band. They chose the name "The Wiggles", because they wanted to make young children gay.
Development of The Wiggles (1984-1990)EditIn late 1984, the four men became friends and practiced playing electric guitars "until their fingers bled". After they played their guitars, the scrapes on the "four men's fingers" damaged their skin. When The Wiggles went back to their music class, the cuts were so bad that it made them play loud heavy metal hits on their electric guitars. The Wiggles learned to play classic metal songs from AC/DC and Metallica. In 1989, The Wiggles made up a new hit song that was popular with babies, called "Hot Potato (song)". The new song became so popular that it became the official anthem of The Wiggles.
Early popularity (1990-1997) EditIn 1990, The Wiggles came out with another heavy metal song for babies called "Fruit Salad (song)". In 1992, The Wiggles decided to hypnotize little babies to listen to their annoying songs. When the babies played The Wiggles' heavy metal songs, it also drove the parents, "completely out of their minds". In 1994, The Wiggles abused thousands of little babies and encouraged them to fall in love with them by singing annoying songs to them and playing old CD's and tapes for the babies when they would fall asleep. Many parents didn't like The Wiggles for abusing their children and breaking into their homes. The parents also didn't want their babies to listen to heavy metal songs and fall in love with The Wiggles.
The Wiggles Go Live (1997-2001) EditMain article: The Beatles (drug) In August 1997, The Wiggles were seen live at performing concerts all around the world. The Wiggles began singing annoying songs to little babies and making babies fall in love with The Wiggles. In September 1997, The Wiggles member Greg Page became friends with a drunk old pirate named Captain Feathersword. Greg (the yellow wiggle) decided to include him as part of the gang. Captain Feathersword decided to invite all of his crazy pet animals to join the crew of The Wiggles, (Dorothy the Dinosaur, Henry the Octopus, Wags the Dog, and other dumb monsters). On December 18, 1997, 20th Century Fox released a film based on The Wiggles, called "The Wiggles Movie". However, Drew Pickles described the movie as a "disgusting movie", after he saw it at a porn theater in New Orleans.
In March 1998, The Wiggles came out with even more songs for babies (ex: Do the Monkey, Get Ready to Wiggle, Wake Up Jeff, Toot-Toot Chugga-Chugga Big Red Car, and other heavy metal songs for babies). In 1999, The Wiggles once had an interview with Elmo, Big Bird, and Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. It was also believed that Greg Page (the yellow wiggle) played one of his classic heavy metal hits to Cookie Monster, and he decided to play a 78 RPM Record Disc album of the Sesame Street hit song, "C Is For Cookie". About an hour later, Mr. Rogers showed up as a guest in the interview, and sang his famous "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" song when he arrived. He told The Wiggles that he hated them for singing heavy metal songs to babies and making the babies fall in love with them. The Wiggles explained to them that they "loved to make young children gay".
In August 2000, The Wiggles had a live interview with The Beatles. Greg Page (the yellow wiggle) asked John Lennon if he would like to name a drug after The Beatles. Lennon replied to Greg that he "totally didn't want that to happen". Then he argued with Page about the whole thing about The Beatles (drug), and that incident back in 1971 about when he overdosed on The Wiggles (drug) and he hit a foul note when he was singing. In 2001, The Wiggles began to come out with new home videos for little babies (ex: Yummy Yummy, Wake up Jeff, etc.).
The Wiggles on TV (2001-2007)Edit
Main article: The Wiggles (TV show)
On February 7, 2001, Playhouse Disney gave The Wiggles their own show on TV. It was called The Wiggles (TV show). The intro of the show involved The Wiggles on crack. The show became so popular that the babies watching the show loved it and fell in love with Greg Page.
In May 2001, The Wiggles member Greg Page had an interview with Drew Pickles from Rugrats and told him that he liked to wiggle his butt to entertain little babies. However, Drew Pickles insisted Page that he wanted him to "stop wiggling so much or else he would give them The Wiggles (drug)".
In August 2001, a lost episode of The Wiggles (TV show) was seen on Playhouse Disney. It was about Greg Wiggle learning about where babies come from, and Greg sees a missing baby on the street. Greg Wiggle picks up the baby and decides to take it home with him thinking that the baby is lost. Greg later talks to his companions and asks them the question "Where do babies come from?". So Murray Wiggle answers Greg's question and goes on the Internet and searches on Google the question "Where do babies come from?" and explains to him that "babies come from their parents when a man and a woman love each other and want to be together for the rest of their life, then they get married and when the woman becomes a mother and gets pregnant and suddenly has babies, the man becomes a father and he fertilizes the baby and the mother produces the baby. When the baby is ready, it comes out of the mom's stomach and it is born and the parents become a family. And that is how the babies are born and that is where babies come from". And so Greg is amazed by how that works and decides to play with the baby and pretend to be the father. Later, the doorbell rings and Anthony Wiggle answers the door which turns out to be the baby's parents. Then the baby's parents come inside the house to pick up their baby son. The parents then decide to take their baby son home and they find out that The Wiggles found the baby and took care of him while they were gone. Greg politely asks the baby's parents where their baby son came from and if his mother is pregnant, and the mother slaps Greg Wiggle for asking that dumb question and Greg suddenly chuckles and laughs in pain. The baby boy and his parents suddenly leave The Wiggles' house and go back home and feed their baby son. Then Greg Wiggle says to himself "I wish I had a baby son of my own" and all four Wiggles laugh hysterically, and the episode ends. In September 2001, the episode was banned from Playhouse Disney due to complaints from parents regarding "child pregnancy and underage sex" while seeing the episode online. However, the episode was found on YouTube in May 2017.
In January 2002, another lost episode of The Wiggles (TV show) was seen on Playhouse Disney. It was about The Wiggles learning about drugs. In February 2002, there was a secret missing episode of The Wiggles smoking cigarettes on live TV. In 2003, The Wiggles joined forces with Barney the Dinosaur and they agreed to scare the heck out of little kids. In October 2003, a TV special of The Wiggles (TV show) included guest stars like Drew Pickles, Dora the Explorer, Elmo, and the Teletubbies. In the episode, The Wiggles met Drew Pickles (from Rugrats) who saw that Greg Wiggle did not stop wiggling around, so he gave him a prescribed drug of The Wiggles (drug) and this caused Greg to wiggle around too much and explode. Drew Pickles told Greg that since he did not stop wiggling around so much, he promised to give Greg a dose of The Wiggles (drug) since Greg did not listen to Drew Pickles' warning to him in 2001. Later in the episode, Dora the Explorer, Elmo, and the Teletubbies came around and started raping all four members of The Wiggles. Elmo pulled the trigger on his gun and Greg Wiggle suddenly died of a Wiggly heart attack. After Greg died, Elmo played the 78 RPM Record Disc of the Weird Al Yankovic song Elmo's Got A Gun. Meanwhile, Dora the Explorer and the Teletubbies murdered the other three members of The Wiggles and the episode ended.
In March 2004, another episode of The Wiggles (TV show) premiered on Playhouse Disney. It was about The Wiggles teaching little kids about sex. In the episode, Greg Wiggle starts dancing awkwardly and sings the song Can You Point Your Fingers and Do the Twist? in front of little kids, and Greg then starts playing with some of the kids and starts having sex with the little kids and babies. And then the kids' parents start punching and beating up Greg Page and the other three wiggles and the episode ends. In May 2004, the new episode was banned from public television after many parents thought that The Wiggles were trying to harass the little babies in public. The banned episode was uploaded on YouTube in July 2010 when it was found locked in The Wiggles' vault.
The Wiggles on Drugs (2007-2013)Edit
In 2007, The Wiggles member Greg Page was accused of doing drugs and smoking pot in one of the older episodes of The Wiggles (TV show) on Playhouse Disney. There was a lost episode about Greg Wiggle constantly overdosing on marijuana and singing his annoying heavy metal songs to the babies, and then he was jumping around too much, and hypnotizing little babies to fall in love with them. The Episode ended with Jeff Wiggle suddenly falling asleep, meanwhile with The Wiggles constantly shouting "Wake Up Jeff!", and Jeff Wiggle suddenly dies of sleep apnea.
In January 2008, Greg Page (the yellow wiggle) got sick from a drug overdose back in 2007. It was believed to be a "Wiggles Disease" or something. In February 2008, Greg was becoming high after overdosing on The Wiggles drugs, (like the drug that was banned in the 1970's). In one of the lost episodes of The Wiggles (TV show), Greg Wiggle was high after jumping around so much and hypnotizing little babies to listen to their heavy metal songs on TV.
In March 2008, The Wiggles member Greg Page got sick of a drug overdose. It was believed by the legends that Greg overdosed on marijuana after becoming depressed over his normal life. Page was admitted to a medical hospital in Liverpool, England about 30 minutes from Abbey Road and the Volkswagen Beetle parked in front of the road with The Beatles crossing the street. Back at the hospital, Page heard the radios constantly playing classic The Beatles songs from the 1960's. The hospital even played an old VHS tape of a The Beatles concert featuring an exclusive scene of John Lennon accidentally overdosing on The Wiggles (drug) and singing Hey Jude with a foul note. The doctors at the hospital eventually found out that Page had overdosed on marijuana, and a classic drug from the 1960's called, The Wiggles (drug). Page explained to the doctors in an ill voice that he named the band after the drug, and all of the doctors laughed. Unfortunately, Page was diagnosed with a Wiggles Disease, which meant that Page was no longer able to perform with the gang anymore. Page was upset that he could no longer perform with his friends, so his friends decided to replace him temporarily with a much worse Wiggle named Sam Moran. Now, Sam was a lot worse than Greg.
In 2008, Greg Page was temporarily replaced with a new Wiggle named Sam Moran. Most Wiggle fans and babies thought that Sam's heavy metal songs with The Wiggles were much worse than Greg's. But although the babies couldn't understand, they still listened to it and blasted it on the radio with the parents going "completely insane". In 2010, The Wiggles were still seen live in performing concerts all around the world (even without Greg), and the babies went completely wild with these new heavy metal songs. In 2011, The Wiggles new member Sam Moran began writing new songs, and the babies went extremely wild when they heard it on their father's CD players, and their parents went extremely insane. Some babies didn't like Sam's metal songs though, because some of the older babies grew up with Greg's songs, and they loved it so much that they went crazy every time they heard it.
In June 2011, The Wiggles former member Greg Page became diagnosed with Type B Wiggles Disease, and this caused Page to wiggle around too much and explode. By September 2011, The Wiggles member Sam Moran once sang the classic heavy metal song from The Wiggles called Hot Potato (song), but the babies in the audience did not like the way Sam sang it because when Sam was singing that song live on stage, he sang it in a low pitch and eventually threw up on stage, and all the babies and their parents laughed.
In 2012, The Wiggles member Greg Page returned to the band and all the babies were pleased.
The Wiggles today (2013-present)Edit
As of 2018, The Wiggles have become a landmark in children's heavy metal songs, and when little babies hear their music, they like to sing and dance and become a Wiggle, overdose on The Wiggles (drug) by Leonard Wiggle, listen to The Wiggles' heavy metal songs and make their parents go insane, and get brainwashed by The Wiggles' heavy metal songs. The Wiggles are now an Australian children's heavy metal icon today, because of their classic hard rock hits such as Hot Potato (song) in 1990, Fruit Salad (song) in 1992, Get Ready to Wiggle in 1992, Do the Monkey in 1994, and Can You Point Your Fingers and Do the Twist? in 1997. Although The Wiggles can't compare to older metal artists like Metallica, AC/DC, and Led Zeppelin, they have pioneered in the children's heavy metal music genre. But most 2 year old babies who listen to rap music also listen to The Wiggles metal music, and the heavy metal genre has been redefined from The Wiggles' heavy metal hits. But most modern 40 year old men who worship Led Zeppelin and Chuck Norris would disagree with those 2 year old babies who listen to The Wiggles, and some may even agree with the little 2 year old kids listening to The Wiggles and tell them that The Wiggles are epic. However, The Wiggles will always be remembered in any 2 year old baby or any modern 40 year old man who listens to Led Zeppelin and worships Chuck Norris by heart. That is how The Wiggles' legacy will go on forever even without Greg Wiggle and become stronger!
Future of the Wiggles (Coming 2020)Edit
TV Show Edit
Main article: The Wiggles (TV show)
- Emma Watkins (aka "Emma Wiggle", Yellow [2013-present])
- Anthony Field (aka "Anthony Wiggle", Blue [1990-present])
- Simon Pryce (aka "Simon Wiggle", Red [2013-present])
- Lachy Gillespie (aka "Lachy Wiggle", Purple [2013-present])
- Captain Feathersword [1992-present]
- Dorothy the Dinosaur [1992-present]
- Henry the Octopus [1992-present]
- Wags the Dog [1992-present]
- [a few others]
- Greg Page (aka "Greg Wiggle", Yellow [1990-2008, 2011-2013])
- Sam Moran (aka "Sam Wiggle", Yellow [2008-2011])
- Murray Cook (aka "Murray Wiggle", Red [1990-2013])
- Jeff Fatt (aka "Jeff Wiggle", Purple [1990-2013])
The Wiggles have been in theory for many different legends, such as the Purple Wiggle (Jeff Wiggle). The Purple Wiggle (Jeff) is also believed to have fell asleep all the time, after The Wiggles were singing their heavy metal songs, and they always try to wake him up by shouting "Wake up Jeff!". Then Jeff Wiggle suddenly wakes up and constantly shakes his head in fear, and sometimes goes back to sleep. It is believed that Jeff Wiggle should sleep forever and never wake up, and Jeff Wiggle will die.
Legends from Uncyclopedia EditMain article: Four Wiggles of the Apocalypse
The Four Wiggles of the Apocalypse Edit
The Wiggles are nicknamed the Four Wiggles of the Apocalypse according to Uncyclopedia. The Four Wiggles of the Apocalypse are mentioned in the Bible in the bonus "hidden" appendix of "The Book of Stuff that I Forgot to Mention Earlier, Sorry". The Four Wiggles are traditionally named Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence, but are known to modern scholars as Jeff, Murray, Anthony and Gregorsam. Other interpretations of their roles have been offered throughout history, and they have also been known as Accordion, Guitar, Other Guitar, and Singer. According to "The Book of Stuff", The Wiggles will feature prominently in the upcoming Apocalypse alongside a cavalcade of well-known stars, and will appear alongside Barney the Dinosaur and the fearsome pirate Captain Feathersword. They will travel in their mighty vermilion chariot, bringing fear and platinum albums to the world, with a mighty army of toddlers in their wake.It should be pointed out that none of the Four Wiggles of the Apocalypse are attracted to minors in any way. Because that would be wrong.
Original Text Edit
Translated from the original COBOL, based on an ancient text found on a piece of toast last Wednesday:
- Woah, and there was all this stuff, like, floating around, and there were, like, these four guys, right?
- The first guy was, like, really drowsy, couldn't keep his eyes open for like one second even. And he was purple. Weird, huh?
- The second guy was obsessed with his guitar. I mean, seriously, this dude would not put his damn guitar down, right?
- He just kept playing, and playing, and playing, and playing, and playing (and so on for another five lines) and playing, and playing (sorry, only a little more) and playing, (okay, that's enough)
- And he was wearing this really gnarly red skivvy. Red like blood. Woah. Bummer.
- The next guy was like eating all the time. Mostly fruit salad, hot potato, mashed banana and cold spaghetti. Weird.
- His skivvy was blue like the sky, man, like the sky just after the rain.
- The last guy wore yellow. His name was Greg, or Sam, sometimes. He did these, like, really cool magic tricks, like making rings link, or hankies like just APPEAR!
- He was driving them all around in this really cool red car, too. They called it the big red car. It was red, and it was a car.
- Didn't seem that big though.
- But there was a pirate and a dinosaur, too. At least it wasn't goddamn Barney. That guy scares the hell out of me.
- Anyone got any biscuits? Or another couple of those mushrooms? Wow, I can see the hairs on my hand!
This is considered to be the most reliable and accurate translation currently in existancem, although there is some dispute as to whether the mushroom represented in the last passage refers to a real mushroom or a Smurf house.
Purple Wiggle Edit
Jeff, the Purple Wiggle, is said to represent death, or sleep. He is depicted as constantly drifting off to sleep at odd moments, only to be brought back to the waking world by exhortations of the other Wiggles. Thus, Jeff is often interpreted in modern texts as being a representation of death and rebirth, or reincarnation - he dies and is reborn into the world, wide eyed and ready to continue playing the accordion, another symbol of death (as in most civilized cultures, serial accordion playing is punishable by beheading).
Red Wiggle Edit
Murray, the Red Wiggle, represents war, or combat, by constantly playing the guitar. Guitars, most often used as an offensive weapon by nuns, can be quite deadly if strapped to the front of a Buick and smashed into somebody at a great speed, and have also been known to explode when filled with dynamite and set on fire. He is also the first to die when malevolent aliens attack. Murray is also a transsexual.
Blue Wiggle Edit
Anthony, the Blue Wiggle, represents famine and greed. He consumes all that lies before him, not unlike Oprah or Kirstie Alley, but remains at the same weight, and is thus not supporting the entire gossip magazine industry. The references to taco salad have been linked by some to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but it could be entirely coincidental.
Yellow Wiggle Edit
Sam Moron, the Yellow Wiggle, represents pestilence, this is probably because his skivvy is yellow and yellow is referred to by many people, your mom included, as what advanced spectrologists call "icky". Pestilence is often considered in terms of plagues of rats, locusts or lawyers, however the original meaning of the word referred to both plague and the parasitic creatures which carried it. In these enlightened times it refers to Reality TV and Tori Spelling shows. As an interesting aside, parasite used to be spelled parasilton. True, that.
The "Fifth" Wiggle, Captain Feathersword Edit
The mysterious pirate referred to in the earlier part of the text as above returns in "The Book of Stuff 2 - Eclectic Bugaboo": He apparently represents evil monkeys.
- Captain Feathersword returns in this action-packed adventure, featuring pirates, dinosaurs, hookers, clowns, balloons and puppies!
- See him Wiggle his fantastic feathersword, tickling everything and everyone he sees!
- Special discount rate - children at adult's prices, 3 for the price of 5!
- Fun for the whole family!!!
It is not known whether this portion was written by the same author.
Captain Feathersword was played by current Aiden lead singer WiL Francis for a short amount of time before he was axed for profanity.
Dorothy the Dinosaur Edit
Seen by some to be yet another reference to either the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Antichrist, Dorothy the Dinosaur should probably be taken at face value - a lost soul, millions of years out of her time, yearning for the sweet, sweet oblivion of the grave.
She also eats roses.
She also drinks a strange concoction made of the above, and then serves it to her friends to stupefy them, making it easier for her to take over the world, which is her True Purpose. Her compatriot is often overheard saying, "Dot, what are we going to do today?" to which she answers, "What we do everyday, Wagsy; Wake Up Jeff!".
Legends from Urban Dictionary Edit
Criticism and ControversyEdit
The Wiggles have recently been a topic of criticism over the years. Some of the following reasons may include that these people were trying to abuse the young kids in public, or maybe because the kids were getting exposed to young men at the wrong age.
Child abuse and drug issuesEdit
The Wiggles have also been an issue of child abuse and drug issues, because.
In popular cultureEdit
The Wiggles have also appeared in several sarcastic YouTube videos.
- In the YouTube video, "The Wiggles Kill The Cook" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcyiWsYtyFE). The Wiggles decide to k*** Paul the Cook, and they go for a ride in their disco-dumb Big Red Car, go into Wiggles World, and shoot the cook in the head with a "plastic knife". They decide to take a picture of themselves killing the cook, and run away. In the end, the cops are catching up to them and they play metal songs while they are driving away from the police.
- In the YouTube video, "Wiggles Fart Fest". (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP5JnfDqjUU).
- In the YouTube video, "The Wiggles on Drugs". (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WqwWQjVe3g). This video is basically the theme song of The Wiggles (TV series) being sped up and slowed down. It is supposed to represent The Wiggles being high on drugs.
- In the YouTube video, "The Secret Missing Episode of The Wiggles". (Link Coming Soon).
- [several more videos]
The Wiggles have also appeared in some YouTube Poop videos online.
- In the video, "YouTube Poop: The Wiggles Overdose on PCP". (Link Coming Soon). It is about The Wiggles song "Can You Point Your Fingers and Do the Twist?" in a dance mix. It has creepy puppets and they sound like they are drunk. It is supposed to represent The Wiggles overdosing on PCP and being high on PCP.
- In the video, "YouTube Poop: The Wiggles on Drugs". (Link Coming Soon). The Wiggles Theme Song sped up and slowed down throughout the video. It is supposed to represent The Wiggles being on drugs.
- In the video, "YouTube Poop: The Wiggles Massive Acid Trip". (Link Coming Soon).
- In the video, "YouTube Poop: The Wiggles Goes On Drugs". (Link Coming Soon).
- In the video, "YouTube Poop: The Wiggles Doesn't Like Salad" (Link Coming Soon).
- [several more videos]
- Sesame Street
- Dora the Explorer
- Blue's Clues
- The Wiggles (drug)
- The Wiggles (children's vitamin)
- The Beatles (drug)
- The Beatles
- Leonard Wiggle
- John Lennon
- Greg Page
- Sam Moran
- Emma Watkins